The Anniversary Effect: How I Am Coping with One Year After My Traumatic Event
TW: PTSD symptoms, thoughts, emotions; mentions of blood, hospital
The Anniversary Effect — What Is It?
The Anniversary Effect is an influx of trauma-related symptoms near the date of a traumatic event and commonly occurs in PTSD survivors. The body and mind remember and react to trauma endured around this particular time of year, and the Anniversary Effect amplifies the stress and triggers that circulate around unresolved negative emotions. These suppressed emotions are released in a series of intensified PTSD symptoms such as flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, fear, and anger.
July 27th: My Anniversary
On July 27th, 2022, I fell victim to a three-inch facial laceration at the hand of another person. I was freshly 15 years old. This event, while physically painful, cut me a deeper wound mentally and emotionally — the blunt realization of the fragility of life.
That day has since come to life. It breathes in my mind, lives in the darkness of my bedroom as I try to sleep, and follows me to school and everywhere I go. I find myself straying from the Gregorian calendar and into a calendar of my own, a calendar of trauma. I measure time in months that have passed since the incident, and upon researching The Anniversary Effect, I knew I would spiral into the hands of my stalker that is trauma.
I began to prepare for July 27th, 2023 to prevent myself from losing this battle in an ongoing war. I did not want to take a detour from my path to recovery.
How I Am Coping with The Anniversary Effect
Seeking Support
Asking for help is hard, and for months, I avoided talking about my trauma to my loved ones because I felt that they could never understand the event and my emotions. However, I’ve come to understand that I don’t want anybody to understand, I want someone to talk to, someone who can validate my experience.
I saw my therapist yesterday for one cathartic hour to better digest my anxiety for my anniversary, and I’ve spent the week with my friends who have occupied this week and distracted me from potential triggers.
I knew today would be difficult, so my sister and I planned to spend the day together to focus on my happiness, and I was able to successfully manage my PTSD-related symptoms.
Getting Closure
For a long time, I was indescribably angry with the person who hurt me. I found it difficult to come to terms with the fact that they walked away unscathed from the scene with no repercussions as I continued to face the pain of the event every day since. However, I found my anger only worsened my symptoms, and I began to prioritize releasing this self-imposed burden to accelerate my healing process.
Earlier this week, I sat down with this person for dinner and allowed myself to forgive. Forgiveness is not easy, but I did it for myself to let go, accept, and begin to move on.
This person whom I once called my friend, I then called my enemy. But I realized my true enemy is my mind, and by calling this person a friend again, I found a sense of normality, or the way it was before the incident.
I relive that day everyday, and I can recall every moment and detail with painfully vivid imagery. Through this mental slideshow of stretchers, sutures, and my blood-stained tank top, I can only find positivity in one moment: my ambulance ride. I had the kindest EMT who took such good care of me, and I can only imagine that dealing with a screaming, crying, and bleeding teenage girl cannot be easy.
This EMT was able to calm me down, reassure me that I would be alright, and distract me from my bandaged open wound. I am grateful for him everyday, but I have never been able to thank him. I suppose I’ve been too scared, embarrassed, or incapable of bringing myself to see him, a reminder of that day, but I feel that I cannot close this chapter of myself without thanking him properly. I called the administration of his fire station to find out how to get in contact with him, and I am planning to stop by in the coming days.
Expressive Writing
Creative writing has always been an important part of my life as poetry is my purest passion. Since the incident, writing has been the most crucial part of my healing process as it provides me with a space to express and organize all of my complicated thoughts around trauma. My trauma is a knotted ball of yarn in my head and writing untangles it.
This week and today, I have set aside time to journal and write poems about the anniversary. I have been able to better understand the way I feel while finding positivity in a negative experience.
Starting SeePTSD
I first had the idea of SeePTSD a few months after my incident because I recognized the power writing had over my healing process and wanted to share that with other survivors. By finally launching this project near my anniversary, I am creating something beautiful out of something scarring. I hope to empower other trauma survivors to use writing as a healthy coping mechanism, work for their healing, and find light in this perpetual darkness.
Wrapping It Up
Everybody experiences and copes differently, and not everybody experiences The Anniversary Effect, but this week, I have learned that by prioritizing self-care and healing, I have been able to begin to digest my trauma for what it is.
This week has been anything but easy, and many of the symptoms of The Anniversary Effect have proven themselves true in my case (I began crying in the mall food court because they played the song I requested when I had my stitches put in).
While The Anniversary Effect can heighten triggers, it can also be a time of reflection for survivors to accept the change in their lives and appreciate their personal strength and growth. Surviving with PTSD is not an easy feat, and every year that passes with this consuming diagnosis is something to commemorate.